Amazing Diet Plan!! Lose Weight Fast!!

Hi, I'm here to tell you about my new diet plan! Tired of all those "Quick Fix" ads you see on TV? Frustrated with magic "Diet Pills" that just never work? Well have I got a solution for you!

Here's how it works:

Travel to altitude of 6,000 feet where everything feels like more work. Eat a healthy meal for breakfast, and one of my patented, delicious, parasite infested banana-lassi shakes!*

Hike to picturesque mountain waterfall. Spend the night expelling half-digested breakfast on mountainside. Travel with German friends who are kind enough to build fire for you when fever sets in. Upon descending mountain, haul luggage down endless staircase to depths of valley.

Travel to Indian slums in dried up riverbed. Perform 30 repetitions of biceps curl with two children hanging off each arm. Walk back to town from slums. Takes roughly four hours, all uphill, if you miss shortcuts and take a few wrong turns along the way. Avoid buses barrelling down winding mountain pass with headlights off.

Sleeping with eyes open, scanning walls for spiders, will burn a few additional calories.

Try my plan for two weeks and you'll see results fast!!

*For the record, banana lassis here are delicious and probably safe to drink. It's unclear what made me ill, but pretty much everyone has to deal with some kind of digestive unpleasantness when travelling. It's not all that bad - in fact, my experience camping out while losing food and water out both ends was a welcome personal challenge.